


Awkward Can Be Perfect

by Liritar



Series: EDI's Master Plan [2]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M, M/M, awkward first date, meddling ai
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-19
Updated: 2015-01-19
Packaged: 2018-03-08 06:48:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3199505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Liritar/pseuds/Liritar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Having proven her point, EDI persuades Garrus to have a drink with Joker.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Awkward Can Be Perfect

Garrus was in the main battery. He wasn’t _hiding._ Obviously. Everyone knew where he was.

He was just… avoiding people. Certain people. His mandibles twitched in agitation. Joker was easy enough to elude, since he rarely went anywhere other than his cockpit, but EDI… she _was_ the ship.

In the heat of the moment, when he and Joker had kissed, he’d felt… flattered, and unusually confident. But now, after he’d had time to think… Garrus sighed, leaning against the gun’s console. He just didn’t know where he stood. Joker and EDI were close, it was obvious. And even if she had instigated the thing between him and her boyfriend… What was his role in all this? And what did he even want? Joker was a human, and a male one at that. He’d never been interested in either.

But that kiss… He’d never felt anything like it. And that one, brief taste wasn’t nearly enough. His mandibles flared nervously. He didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know if Joker even really wanted him like that. He’d been trying to prove EDI wrong, after all. Maybe he’d decided Garrus wasn’t worth the effort.

“You seem distressed. Do you require assistance?” He tensed in surprise as EDI’s voice came out of nowhere, even though he’d been expecting it for days.

“I’m fine,” he said gruffly, his face expressionless, except for a slight, unconscious twitching in his mandibles.

There was a brief pause. “Did Jeff upset you? If so, I am sorry. I pressured him into it.”

“No—You know what, screw this.” Garrus turned in a circle, leveling a death glare at everything and nothing. “What the hell were you thinking, EDI? Now we’ve got this… this _thing_ between us, and Joker’s got you, so where does that leave me? What was the damn point of all this?”

She was silent for a long moment. “I wanted Jeff to be happy. Was that wrong?”

He sighed. Damn it. “No. But… how was that supposed to work? What am I supposed to do in your brilliant plan? Let Joker use me, then step aside when he’s done so he can go back to you?” His voice actually wavered as he said that, and his mandibles flared widely in his embarrassment.

“Of course not.” His eyes widened in surprise, but before he could respond, EDI spoke again. “You are our friend, Garrus. I’d welcome you to join us.” 

His mandibles fluttered wildly. “I… you… what?” He felt as if he’d been hit in the head. Repeatedly. It was that hard to think.

EDI’s voice sounded amused. “You make Jeff happy. I like seeing Jeff happy. I fail to see a problem with the arrangement.”

Garrus shook his head, bemused. “But he’s _your_ boyfriend,” he protested.

“And he could be yours. Didn’t you enjoy his kiss? Jeff has informed me he’s very good at it.”

He had to snort at that. “I bet he did. And yes, I, uh, liked it. A lot.” If he’d been human, he would have blushed. As it was, his mandibles twitched uncontrollably.

EDI’s voice was soft as she responded. “Then, please, for Jeff. He would be very happy. And I would enjoy your company.” She paused. “Also, you have firsthand sexual experience, and that would be invaluable.”

“I… what?” Garrus blinked.

“Jeff is inexperienced, and as much research as I have done cannot replace real experience.”

He couldn’t repress a grin, mandibles flaring wide. “Joker’s a virgin?”

“Not anymore.” EDI’s tone was fairly smug. “But we could still use your knowledge.”

“Aheh.” He chuckled nervously. He wasn’t… entirely sure what to do with that information. “I, uh. I mean, I know what to do with female turians. This is… entirely different.”

“Then you can learn with us. It will be enjoyable.”

“Will it?” Garrus said dryly. He could think of at least five ways it could end in disaster, without even giving himself tie to contemplate. But… maybe this would be one of the times he got to be pleasantly surprised.

EDI’s voice lost some of its emotional inflection; Garrus suspected purposefully. And so he was willing to be skeptical. “There is a ninety thee point seven two percent chance that I am correct.”

“You made that up.”

“Yes. Join us in the lounge tonight, so you and Jeff can have alcohol and we can talk.”

He was silent for a moment, and then he sighed. Nothing would ever change if he hid in here for the duration of the war. Besides, Shepard would notice something was up, and then the man would tease him unmercifully. “Fine.”

 

Garrus made his way to the lounge that evening, dressed in one of his nicer outfits. It just didn’t seem like the type of conversation that would be improved by full combat armor; no matter how much more comfortable _he_ would be, personally.

The room was empty, except for the pair waiting for him. Thank the spirits. This would have been intolerable with an audience.

Joker was sitting at the bar, his back to Garrus, and EDI stood behind it, holding two bottles of beer, one levo and one dextro. “Aww, come on,” Joker was saying. “He might not even show up.”

EDI had definitely seen him—he was right in the middle of the room—but she gave no sign, merely shaking her head. “No, Jeff. You are going to have a drink with Garrus. If he doesn’t show up, I’m putting these both back.”

“That’s so not fair,” Joker said, trailing off as Garrus stepped up beside him. “You knew he was there all along,” he grumbled, pointing an accusatory finger at his girlfriend.

“Yes,” she agreed, lips twisting in a slight smile. “Your reaction was very entertaining.” She handed them each a bottle as Garrus settled on a stool beside Joker. “Say hello to Garrus, Jeff.”

“Hello, Garrus,” Joker muttered, turning that interesting red shade that signified human embarrassment. It was… strangely appealing.

EDI continued, turning to Garrus. “Now, say hello to Jeff, Garrus.”

His mandibles flared widely for a moment before he could speak. “Hello, Jeff. Joker.”

The two men shared a nervous grin. Okay, maybe this wouldn’t be too bad. Garrus took a drink of his beer.

“Jeff. Tell Garrus how nice he looks.”

Garrus choked, while Joker’s voice squeaked as he forced out, “What?”

EDI crossed her arms, looking expectantly at the man.

“Stop scanning me,” he muttered irritably, then glanced at Garrus. “You, uh, look good. Out of the armor. I mean, no. That’s… a nice outfit.”

The turian chuckled nervously. “Uh, thanks.”

“And if Jeff had bothered to change…”

“Oh, come on.” Joker glared at the synthetic. “I look fine.”

Garrus had found it disconcerting to hear EDI laugh, when she’d first started, but now it was commonplace. “Yes, Jeff. You are lovely.”

“Damn right I am,” he grumbled.

Mandibles twitching in amusement, Garrus watched the two in silence. They really were meant for each other. And… somehow he was here, in the middle, being welcomed in. It was… inconceivable, but utterly amazing. “She’s right,” he threw in, then shifted uncomfortably when he realized what he’d said.

Joker turned bright red. “Oh. Uh. Thanks.”

EDI managed to replicate a sigh of exasperation. “Why is it so difficult for you to talk? You clearly are having the appropriate physical responses to each other.”

The men exchanged a look of intense mortification. Garrus opened his mouth to speak, but he couldn’t force anything out. Joker seemed to be having a similar problem. _To hell with this,_ the turian thought irritably; words weren’t is strong suit. Well, yes, he was a good man with a smart assed quip when you needed one, but this kind of thing… he’d never been good at it. And there was one thing that had worked between him and Joker, unquestionably. He reached out, knocking Joker’s hat askew, then leaned closer, their lips meeting in a moment of complete silence.

Everything seemed frozen in time, poised in an awkward kiss that seemed to last forever. But then Joker let out a soft sound, relaxing into it, soft lips moving against his facial plates in an unusual but pleasant way. And then fingers—so, so many fingers—slid up the back of his head, into the base of his fringe. He was sure the human had no idea what he was doing to him, but that didn’t stop the wave of pleasure sweeping through Garrus from the caress of the sensitive spot. He keened in the back of his throat, forcefully crushing the instinctive urge to yank Joker against him. His Joker was fragile, even more so than most humans. He had to be so very careful.

This was going to be tricky.

Garrus pulled back, gently disentangling Joker from his crest. This had to be tackled slowly, and it was hard to think when he was doing that.

Joker stared up at him, looking nervous. “Was that… not good?”

He chuckled softly. “Oh, no, Joker. You have no idea how good that was.” His voice picked up the undertone of a growl. “I want nothing more than to pin you against the wall and have you right here.”

The younger man flushed and looked away. “Oh.” He shifted nervously on his stool.

“But,” he said, trying to sound cool and collected, “I don’t know anything about human anatomy. I wouldn’t want to hurt you.” He figured Joker would appreciate him leaving his condition out of it, though they both knew what it was really about.

It seemed he was right, because Joker sent him a grateful look. “Oh. So, uh, we can maybe… pick this up later.”

“That seems an excellent idea.” Both men jumped; they’d almost entirely forgotten EDI’s presence. “Garrus, I can forward you some useful texts and vids.”

Garrus’s mandibles flared. “Aheh. Right. Thank you, EDI.”

“Of course. And we’ll do some research on turians, won’t we, Jeff?”

“Oh, come on, I have to study for _sex_ now?” Joker was complaining, but he was smiling, so he was probably just being a smartass to be funny. Or because he was Joker.

“I promise I’ll make it worth your time,” Garrus purred, and the sight of Joker speechless was almost better than that kiss.


End file.
